Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Mourning a Different Kind of Loss

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The author, still pregnant with her son, who was born at 25.5 weeks.

As I look back at the NICU journey of my 25.5 weeker, I am incredibly thankful for the beautiful baby boy who has shown me true strength and determination. He has been a fighter from day one and been through more in 9 months than most deal with in a lifetime. What a blessing it has been to witness this miracle grow and develop from a fragile 1 lb 8 oz micropreemie to a 14 lb 4 oz “big” boy.

Despite how blessed I feel for how far we have come, as I look at my stack of maternity clothes in my closet, I am constantly reminded of the last 14 weeks of pregnancy I was never able to experience. I loved that last trimester when I was pregnant with my daughter. The kicks. The movement that could be seen as I look down at my belly. Holding my growing belly and imagining how this baby would look. Feeling the response to my touch. Wondering if it was a boy or a girl. Picking out names. Setting up the nursery. The anticipation. I didn’t get the full pregnancy experience, and I am amazed how hard that hit me. [Continue reading]

My Fertility Journey with a Uterine Septum

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After my water broke, and I delivered my daughter seven weeks early, I often wondered why. Did I do something wrong? Would it happen again if I were to get pregnant in a few years? Most women who experience preterm labor ask themselves these same … [Continue reading]

Rewriting the Story of a Partnership After Crisis: NICU Healing

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The day after my son William died, my husband and I went to the hospital to see his twin Elliott in the NICU. We had agreed that being near Elliott would be the only thing that would feel ok that day. We were both mostly silent. I remember feeling … [Continue reading]

What First-Time Parenting Activity Made You Nervous in the NICU?

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Was there a routine, first-time parenting activity in the NICU that made you extremely nervous to perform? Maybe it was changing a diaper, or giving your preemie a bath. Whatever it was, you are in good company. All of us preemie parents have been … [Continue reading]

Finding Friendship in the NICU

Three preemies at the beach.

One of the best things that happened to me while my girls were in the NICU was meeting another NICU mom. It's hard to believe anything good can come from the NICU, but it is true. I saw her several times around the NICU and one day my mother … [Continue reading]