There are a lot of thoughts and emotions that run through a person’s mind when something unexpected, and especially tragic, happens. Shock, confusion, fear, anger, humility, doubt, shame, and disbelief are just a few of the things I felt during the frenzy of pain, rushing to the hospital, shaky phone calls, and being hooked up to monitors, IVs, and everything else when I went into preterm labor. It was hard enough to not understand what was happening to me and why it was happening to me, but it was terrible to see the looks of pity and hopelessness on the faces of the doctors.
Some people around me spoke words of encouragement, and others I heard whispering words of fear and hopelessness. When my baby was born the blurriness and confusion did not leave, but compounded because of the implications that started to hit me about my situation: When could I see my baby? What did she look like? Would she be okay? Where are they taking her? How long will she be there? How often can I visit her? What will I do when my milk comes in? How long will I have to pump? How is my husband handling this? What about school? What about work? How will we pay for this? These and a million other questions bombarded me and I was faced with some immediate decisions that I was not ready to make.
Whether you are able to prepare for your preterm delivery or not you will experience a lot of changes when your preemie baby is born. You may have to move for a few months, you may be separated from your spouse, you may have to rely on friends and family for financial help, you may be recovering from a C-section and need physical assistance, and you may be very much alone during the majority of your baby’s NICU stay. Whatever your situation may be and whatever hardships you face you will become a stronger person for it. I believe that preemie babies give you an opportunity to love more, serve more, and sacrifice more, and your relationship will only be stronger for it. Both of my preemie babies are my miracle babies and they hold a special place in my heart.