October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. For more information on grief and healing, visit Hand to Hold’s bereavement resources. I have never liked visions of heaven that have it be a separate place, a place where we float as souls disconnected from our bodies. You know, the halo, the harp and the clouds? […]
One day in June, Miri and I walked to the front desk of the NICU to sign in. My head briefly felt like there was a bubble of thin air around it and everything outside the bubble was moving too fast. I remembered the first time I felt this way was when our son, Gabriel, […]
Five months in the NICU made the daily drive to Swedish Medical Center in Seattle quite tiresome. And then we met some Alaskans in the waiting room, who told us stories about being hustled on to air ambulances when pre-term labor was discovered, about husbands who had never seen their child because they had to stay with the other children, and about getting tired of living at the Ronald McDonald House.
I said, “There really ought to be a NICU in Juneau like the one here so you can be closer to home!”
A year after our family got home from the hospital, I went to a talk given by a neonatologist about how preemie care developed, and discovered that the issue of building smaller NICUs at community hospitals is complicated and controversial. [Read more]
I sat, nervous and emotional, in a room of about a dozen hospital administrators and said, “It would help if you started by telling parents like us, ‘Your child is welcome in our nursery.'” They all nodded and I felt like their faces showed I had gotten through to them. “When our son was about to be born, they talked about statistics and outcomes and decisions people make about whether to try to save their baby, which is important, but it would have really helped just to know that you were willing to have him, because there was literally no other choice for us.”
My wife and I were talking to the hospital’s medical ethics committee. I had written them because while Swedish Medical Center did save our son’s life, we were still really unsettled by the near miss we’d had when he was born in 2012 at 22 weeks and 6 days of gestation. I felt like a vulture was sitting on my shoulder, asking, “What if you’d made the wrong choice?”
The wrong choice, in this case, would have been accepting the on-duty neonatologist’s recommendation to not have our son resuscitated, saying he was too immature to survive. [Read more]