Hand to Hold's official blog
For the most part, I have been blessed with good health. The few times I contracted a cold or infection, I went to the doctor and got a prescription and a day later I would start feeling better. In my limited experience, doctors could fix things. And until my pregnancy complications, I believed they could [...]
There is no celebrating of Caitlyn’s Birthday, it is too hard. Every April I fear as it approaches. The day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute memories flood my mind. There is not a day that passes that Caitlyn’s memories aren’t with me, but in April it is at a deeper level. I [...]
When Caitlyn passed away at twelve-days-old our world shattered. Lost, alone, angry, broken and a feeling of being hollow was all I felt. My husband and I were sharing the grieving so it was unbearable to share our sadness with each other, it was so raw and too deep. I did go to therapy, once. [...]
Our daughter, Kylie, was 10 weeks early. My pregnancy was successful until my preeclampsia diagnosis at 29 weeks. I had only heard of preeclampsia once, and didn’t know much about prematurity either. A friend had preeclampsia around 34 weeks gestation, but she brought her baby home right away, so my diagnosis didn’t worry me that [...]
Since my daughter Daphne was born three and a half years ago, I have read hundreds of stories of babies who were born too soon. They are all different, all heartbreaking and many of them share one thing: surprise. A normal pregnancy, nowhere near term, interrupted, lives changed. That is not my prematurity story. As [...]
My last post was about preparing for a NICU stay when you know your baby will need one. This post is about preparing your other children! As a mom of four boys, there was something amazingly special about introducing my first son to his new baby brother, and then two years later, introducing them to [...]
Life does change after losing your child, forever. The world you knew crashes, crumbles and is never put back together. Life has changed, different and will never be the same. It is a new different, not the one you wanted but the one you have to live with the choice to live it. [Read more]
A friend of mine once told me: “Worrying is like paying interest on a debt you may not owe.” Which is true! It is a hard concept to put into practice as parents of babies whose lives are in jeopardy, but if we can allow ourselves to let go of the worry and the “what ifs”, even for a few hours, we create an opportunity for ourselves and our partners to focus on the day at hand. We should ask ourselves: What can we do today to be involved in our baby’s care? How can we show our baby we love him/her? What can we celebrate today? [Read more]
My husband Andre and I met a little later in life, and after realizing our dream of being married in a castle in Scotland we immediately began trying to expand our family beyond our two furry children, retired racing greyhounds named Holly and Nova.
Fast forward a few years and several rounds of IVF later we were ecstatic to find out that it had finally worked and we were pregnant! We found out we were having a little boy, and we would just have to be patient until he arrived.
Week 16 we are having an ultrasound with Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) and the doc tells us that his cerebellum is smaller than normal, but it might not be an issue. She is concerned that his head is large and his limbs are short (pssst Doc, have you looked at me?) She decides that she is pretty certain this baby will have Down syndrome. Also, the ventricles in his brain are larger than normal and he is diagnosed with something called Ventriculomegaly, we’ll have to keep an eye on it so it doesn’t turn into Hydrocephalus. [Read more]
Over the last couple of years people have asked me time and again if we’d have another. As an only child myself, I’d always promised my unborn child that they would have a sibling. But after everything we’d been though with Bryce, and continue to struggle with, I couldn’t bring myself to commit to that as-of-yet unkept promise. But as serendipity would have it, the decision was made for us and here I sit almost 36 weeks pregnant with Bryce’s little brother. [Read more]
Hand to Hold is a nonprofit 501(c)3 parent support organization and information and resources provided here do not intend to take the place of the relationship between a patient and personal physician.