Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Dreams about Preemies

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I had a preemie baby and that she wasn’t responding to me in any way and didn’t cry when she was hungry so I kept forgetting to feed her.  She was about as tiny as my 12 oz 21-weeker, but I was cradling her in my arm and bringing her around with me at a church meeting.

For awhile after I lost my first preemie at 21-weeks (in 2004) I would have dreams like this.  In each dream I was proud to be a mommy and happy to show off my baby but my baby was always sleeping and never opened its eyes and never responded to me in any way.  I longed for my baby to look at me and respond to my love for him. 

Having these dreams then made perfect sense considering my loss, but this dream was out of the blue and has left me feeling frightened again of having a preemie… and sad.

I am not pregnant and have no plans to get pregnant again for several years if I do at all.  I have felt very hopeful and confident in the future for our family, but this dream shook me up a little and reminded me of what can happen.

Have any of you had dreams about having another preemie, or do you dream about a preemie that you lost?  How do you shake off the fear or sadness that stays with you for days afterward?

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

Comments

  1. Funny u should post. I’m terrified of having another kid. I’m the mother of 3 young children & my 2nd 2 were both preemie. I’m scared when I have another it’ll be another preemie 🙁

  2. I am scared to death of having another child. We tried for 3 years to have a child and then My little one came 14 weeks early.

  3. we have decided that after having a 35 weeker, 31 weeker and 27 weeker the risk is just to high. I am so lucky that all 3 of my babies are healthy and well esp my 27 weeker who had a tough ride. I dont no how i would feel if my 27 weeker had been my 1st baby…. would i want to try again?

  4. I had a 25 weeker and am scared to death for the next one…

  5. I had Preecampsia and concerned about the risks to myself and another baby. My daughter was 15 weeks early-but is doing excellent now at 3!

  6. I had a 23 weeker & the two yrs later had a 29 weeker – if god gives you two preemies then he knows you can handle it – each pregnancy is different , don’t live in fear

  7. Alice came at 30 weeks gestation because of GSB. now I know I was treated with antibiotics after she came out…but whos to say I havent got it again?!? I know they have said they will check me all the time with the next pregnancy, I just W…ISH they had listened to me when I KNEW there was something wrong with me. I kept talking to my midwife, my consultant and all said everything was “OK” with me yet they did swab me for a simple infection! Im so scared my next will be a prem. but we do want more children, so we shall risk it and keep our fingers crossed!

  8. Wow, my 34wkr will be one on Thursday, but with our track record (I’m always 2-3cm at 24wks) I think we are lucky to have our 3, although I’d love to feel a baby inside again…this next 6wks will be pretty rough on me. So much that I don’t even want to HAVE a party for his bday 🙁

  9. I agree!! I feel positive about a 3rd baby. My 1st: I was on bed rest & meds for 10wks with shorten cervix and funneling. Made it 5 days over due. 2nd: water broke at 27wks. We made it til 32 wks & 2 days. I think I may have had an infection. I know I am strong enough for a 3rd & feel all will work out, but what if I have baby even earlier. I believe God will be with us. There is a reason that I was his chosen one

  10. I’m eleven days into being the Mum of a 27 weeker. I’m still learning how to navigate the NICU. I can’t wait until we can try for a brother or a sister for her. I’m terrified that I’ll have another complicated pregnancy and another preemie, but I’ll take it if that’s what it takes.

  11. I really want a big family & at the time I wasn’t worried about having another preemie. My first came 36 weeks (borderline preemie) ,my 2nd at 31 weeks,and my 3rd at 32. My children aren’t big babies,my first was only 5 lbs at 36 weeks,I want to try again but scared. Inna way I feel like its not fair to the child considering my last 2 were preemie,any suggestions,tips,thouights?

  12. I had a 25wker and was scared for my 2nd son but he came at 38wks.they r both good.my 6m old is bout to pass up his 2yr old brother in ht and wt.I still have nightmares bout my 1st son.and I think about it often.probably need to c a therapist bc I think about it all the time but having other people on here that had same experience helps me alot

  13. i had a 33 weeker less than 2 yrs ago and i am 17 weeks pregnant now. I am hoping to stay out of NICU

  14. I do not feel done, & I looove being pregnant, but I am very scared of pre-e again – I had it at 36 wks w/my first & #2 was a 29.5 weeker. But I think I’d like to try once more and this time around try everything I can do to prevent it.

  15. This post is so ironic. I was just thinking about this. Our son was born at 26 weeks. I am terrified of having another child, mainly because I don’t want any child to suffer what he went through. I’m relieved somewhat to hear that other preemie moms feel the same. Thanks for posting this and sharing your stories. Makes me feel less alone. 🙂

  16. I’ve been living it. Pregnant again after 29 week preemie twins. I was terrified for the first 32 weeks, but now at 35 and all is going well. I think I can finally relax and feel normal. 🙂

  17. well I certianly understand your anxiety about preg. N the nicu, I really do hvng micro twins at 25wks,but I had so many miscarriages I’m so greatful 4 my daughter….. Wait, it just came bck to me, all the pain n worry. See i’m a lil removed my surving twin being 5yrs old now. I would do it again.

  18. yes i do, i have dreams every night

  19. I´m happy my preemie was the second baby, now I have a boy and a girl and I don´t plan to have more kids. If Sophie would have been first I would be worried that the second baby would also be a preemie and what if the second time we would not be so lucky…

  20. My second baby was a preemie and I recently had a baby (9/20) who’s currently been in the NICU. She was born at 33 weeks and this will be week three for us :/. IT IS hard. I feel like it’s much harder than my last NICU stay…which is sad, because my second child had NEC. You really have no choice but to be strong.

  21. i had my daughter at 32 weeks she was 4 lbs and it was so hard having to leave her at the hospital but she’s 2 1/2 now and the fear is still in the back of my mind that when my husband and i try again that i could have another preemie ….it is a hard experience though

  22. Not afraid of having another preemie because we are DONE. We have 5 and all were full term healthy babies until #5 and he was a 33 weeker. I do have dreams about it the NICU frequently though!

  23. Before losing my 28 weeker, While I was pregnant I had a dream that I delivered her in my bathroom at home. But the strange part was that it was acceptible, like this was the norm, everyone has babies in their bathroom at home…Weird…but toward the end of the dream my brother -in-law was there and he was carrying this shoebox that has my baby in it…I forgot about the dream, until it came back to me after we had lost our baby.

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