Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Elizabeth’s Story: Part 6

Innocent FlowersThe funeral was that morning. We arrived at the church. We met in the back with all the family. We walked through the front of the church into the service. Little Callie’s casket was so tiny. I didn’t even see her casket at first it was hidden among the flowers. We sat through the service. Eddie sang “As the Deer”. To my amazement, I didn’t even cry. I was surprised, I guess maybe I was cried out for the time being. The preachers did a wonderful job, I couldn’t have asked for more. They played “A Brighter Day” at the end of the service. I was very happy with how everything turned out.

We buried Callie the next day. We met at the cemetery and had a small service with just family. I was glad that everything was finally over with to be honest. It had already been a week since she died, and it felt like 10 years.

I have never told anyone all these details about Callie. I think I had built a wall to try to shut it all out. I grieve for Callie every day. I think about her every single day. It is a hard thing to go through. But to anyone that has ever lost a baby, I know how it feels. I hope that Callie’s story touches someone that reads this. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, and it can be a very lonely time as well. Just know that God is always there.

Please leave your thoughts for Elizabeth in the comments below.

Return to Elizabeth’s Story: Part 1

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

Comments

  1. Dulcie Heim says:

    I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know how Callie’s story touched me. We had our daughter at 25 weeks and 1 day…1lb 14 oz. She made it with very few complications. We were prepared for the worse…noone thought she would make it. Before she was even born my family and I had began to think about a funeral, ect. It was Gods will that she lived.
    Reading your story made me cry so hard. My heart goes out to you and your family. You can take comfort in knowing that you will see your Callie again and she is now so happy and comfortable, in Jesus’ arms.
    Thank you for sharing your story.

  2. My heart aches for you. I am sobbing after reading your heartfelt story. It hit close to home as I had a premature baby at 26 weeks. God was gracious to us and he survived. I pray for you and your family that you find peace and strength to guide you through this time of unimaginable grief.

  3. our baby was born at 26 weeks she weighs 1lb 13oz, and are going through a lot of things right now, I cannot even begin to fathom your pain. It is such a scary thing to sit at the hospital and not know what’s going to happen. god bless all of you, I hope your pain is soon relieved. please keep us in your thoughts too.

  4. I feel your pain! And you’ve just made me realize how precious my son really is! I do get mad once in a while when he’s gets way too hyper.. but I don’t think I’ll ever be mad at him again. I would only thank God for blessing a person so imperfect like me with an angel as perfect and beautiful as him.
    Love,
    Angel’s mom.

  5. First I would like to say I am so sorry for your loss. And I too lost my son at 20 weeks. We were going in to find out if we were having a boy or girl and they realized that he didn’t have a heart beat. I had to deliver him and my husband and I (along with our family) got to hold Evan. He looked so sweet like an angel. A parent should never have to buried their child. I hope these two angels are friends up in heaven and just playing like little kids. Bless you and your family….

    I love you Evan!! ~ Mommy

  6. Brittany P. says:

    I recently gave birth to a 25 weeker. I understand how hard it is to know he probably wont make it and playing a waiting game. Reading your story filled my eyes with tears she was a beautiful girl and is now an angel in heaven. My son adam isnt even a week yet but has already had his struggles. Im just glad that you didnt have guilt bc it only makes things worse. God bless you and your family and I hope things get better as each day passes. Take relief in the fact that she no longer feels pain and is in god’s arms now peacefully smiling down on you and that she will never leave yoyr side.

  7. kendra Marie says:

    Im 13. When i feel like crying Ihold it back. i rarely ever cry especially in front of people but me and my friend was sitting here reading this and i just could help it. I busted out in tears! i have always wanted to work in this NICU but one thing i cant stand is when a child dies! Im so sorry for you lost. Ill pray for you and your family.

  8. It took me 4 attempts to finish your moving story, my eyes filling each time. It took such courage for you to share, we have been there with our 1st baby and the hardest thing I have ever done is carry his little white coffin and I know I could never write so beautifuly about our experience.
    For anyone reading this, don’t give up, last year we had premie twins weighing 725g and after 9 months 1 is home and the other is hanging in and slowly improving, despite being on the brink more times than we can remember, If he takes another nine months it will be worth the wait.

Speak Your Mind

*