Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Feeling Sorry

I spent most of the day, every day, with my preemie while she was in the NICU.  I arrived at the NICU around 8:00 am and I left around 5:00 or 6:00 pm.

I always felt sorry for all of the other babies, because I rarely saw other parents visiting.  I hoped that their parents truly cared about them and that the babies were getting some love and attention.

It wasn’t until my last few weeks when I stayed into the evening to nurse my preemie that I realized most parents visited at night!  I hadn’t really thought about it before, but it made sense that many parents had to work in the day and could only visit their preemie in the evening.

Then it hit me.  All of the other parents probably felt sorry for my little preemie because she was often alone at night.

I guess that’s just the way it is.  🙂

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.


  1. yes i did but other moms were shocked at my son because he was making improvements quicker than other babies born at 32 weeks

  2. Yes, I understand. I felt that way when I had my preemie, and was also looking around the NICU and seeing other parents with their babies. I felt sorry for them.

  3. Yes many parent shocked at how my was improving. power in prayer b/c after you lose one and he restore that one with two more.

  4. we really cried over a little boy who was very sick like our Dawson. No mommy or daddy to come see him. He finally got well enough for someone to hold him and the nurses took turns loving on him. I wanted to take him home with us so bad. We still pray for you little Bradrick

  5. Instead of feeling sorry for other parents, I remember yearning for their problems. Everyone bases their experiences from their own perspectives. However, it was very difficult listening to mothers complaining how they couldn’t hold their babies until whatever number of days when my concern was for the survival of my baby.

  6. I agree with Susan! I had so many mothers ask why I could not hold my baby yet and that it was ridiculous not to ask to hold him. They whined about how bad their 6-8 week stay was and I would tell the nurses I did not want to hold Michael until he was stable enough to do so. It was 12 days before I held my little angel. I only did it a few times during the first 2 months too. I was more concerned with him living and I knew there would be so many other times just to hold him.

  7. I did feel sorry for the other parents. Because our teeny tiny girl was doing so well and their kids were not so good. There were 4 incubators in the small room and you could not help hearing what the doctors told the other parents…from across the room you could hear phrases like “brain bleeding, complete intubation, heavy infection, mentally … See Morehandicapped, blind, deaf…” ….and then they would come to me and say “Your girl is doing very good…” That made me so grateful, because I know not everyone was so lucky like us. And also very proud of our girl, who was a big fighter. And like this we got through the 3 months in the hospital.

  8. It was one month before I held my Jesse but it was the greatest day of my life !!!

  9. My son is in nicu now. It is very hard to leave him, but it has to be done. I can visit every other day. I live 125 miles from the hospital and have a busy 4 year old. I wish I could be there everyday, but that is not my reality. I always hope the other babies are being loved and cared for as I love and care for mine. I guess we all have different ways of doing that. Thank goodnes for prayers and amazing medical staff.

  10. Luci Kemper says:

    I go and see scarlett once a day every day and I stay there for as long as she will allow me to hold her. Our record is two and a half hours. The nurses are hesitant to let me hold her multiple times a day, because she was born at 24 weeks and is now 5 weeks actual. But i’ve noticed that I’m definitely there more often than alot of parents, only the ones whose babies are breastfeeding spend more time there. One baby’s parents came in to see him for the first time 2 weeks after he was born. And the nurses look down upon it, and gossip about those parents. That’s how I learned about him. But I know that everyone has different circumstances. I feel blessed that I don’t have to work, and we only live 15 minutes from the hospital. I really do pray for the other babies.

Speak Your Mind