Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

“How Can I Not Love You”

If you have ever seen “Anna and the King” then you might remember the song “How Can I Not Love You”.  In the movie it’s actually a love song between a man and a woman who can never be together, but for my purposes I want you to read the lyrics in the context of a parent who has just lost a child.  I must warn you, however, that if you have lost a child this song is almost unbearable.  I think I have successfully listened to it only once in the last 5 years without it bringing me to tears within seconds.  Soon after our sons birth and death my husband made a beautiful slideshow of the pictures of our baby boy, put to this song.  I lost my composure and was not able to even watch the slideshow before I had to leave the room.  Why, then, am I writing a post about the song and recommending people read the lyrics or listen to it?  I suppose it’s because it expresses the very deepest sorrows of my heart, and I imagine the heart of any parent who has lost a child.  It’s beautiful, it’s pure, and it’s heart-wrenching.

The music video is at the bottom of the post, so you can start it and then go back up to read the lyrics while it plays (since the music video doesn’t quite fit with the parent-child scenario).  Enjoy.

Written by George Fenton, Babyface, Robert Kraft (1999)
Performed by Joy Enriquez

Cannot touch
Cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love
Cannot kiss
Cannot have each other

Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

Cannot dream
Cannot share
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel
How we feel
Must pretend its over

Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say, what we’ve known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

How can I not love you

Must be brave and we must be strong

Cannot say what we’ve known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

How can I not love you

When you are gone

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

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