Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Missing Your Baby at Christmas Time

I have to say the holidays come with somewhat of a sting. Even though we have a beautiful son, and a daughter on the way (due early February), the holidays have a way of sending nostalgia through your blood, reminding you of your first dream of a Christmas with your baby. Your first hopes.

The plan A you so hoped would work out.

I can remember carrying my very sick daughter inside me, hoping, believing Christmas would be the icing on the cake. That in spite of the bad doctor reports, she would somehow survive it all and Christmas would be a true Christmas miracle.

The holidays since 2009 have been… different. We technically skipped Christmas the first year, and tried our best to dodge it the year after. When our son was not just a baby anymore we decided it was time to start really celebrating again. He deserved it, we deserved it.

Each year we collect new ornaments. We buy one for our son, and one for our daughter. We even hang a stocking for her. Inside her stocking this year will be notes of love we will send to her on a sky lantern on Christmas Eve.

One New Year’s Eve we had some Roman Candles left over and popped them over her gravesite. We probably could have gotten in serious trouble, but it felt so good to be able to do something just for her during the holidays.

 

Franchesca Cox About Franchesca Cox

Franchesca Cox (TX) is a wife, mom, writer, artist. She also gave birth to three beautiful babies, all premature. She founded Still Standing Magazine in May of 2012 as a tribute to her first daughter, who passed away after 13 days in the NICU. The magazine focuses on inspiring healing and community among bereaved parents. You can find her on facebook and her blog.

Comments

  1. This is beautiful, Franchesca and will bring comfort to may others feeling those same holiday thoughts.

  2. i was just doing a search on “missing your lost child on christmas” and your article was first to pop up.

    I’m having such a hard time. i thought last year was bad.. but this year has been so dull, so depressing… the recent loss last year had some kind of numbing effect on me.. but this year i feel it ten times worse. i don’t know what to do with myself. my life feels so empty. my heart feel empty. my soul feels pointless. i miss my girl so much and see no real reason for anything anymore.. its so hard and i hate days like this, which are meant for family and children. i wish wish wish she was here and that they didnt kill her. how could anyone be so cruel. my life forever changed.
    its moments like this that i don’t know what to do with myself. i wish i didnt know the depths of this eternal pain.

    • Oh Jackie, I so wish I could give you a hug in real life. There just aren’t words for days like this. I think the first year does sort of have that numbness and the second Christmas is just plain hard. Even this being our third Christmas without our daughter I could feel the emptiness so much. I wish you didn’t know this pain. Sending so much love and prayers. xoxo

    • Jackie, we are so very sorry for your loss. We want you to know that we are here to support you as you continue on this journey. We would love to offer you the support of one of our Helping Hands . We can find a parent to match you with who has had a similar experience. If you would like this please contact one of our family support navigators at laura@handtohold.org.

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