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Parent Needs Support / Advice

This was a comment on the post “When My Water Broke”.  The commentor, Thornette, would really appreciate some advice and support for what her daughter is going through with her twins.  Please share any thoughts or experiences that might benefit this dear family.

Posted Nov 1st, 8:18pm:

My daughter had complained of pain in her back at 16 weeks and 2 days. She was told to take Tylenol and advised that the pain was probably that of the twins growing and her womb growing to accommodate the size of the babies. After one hour passed, the pain persisted and she was then advised to get to the office for a consultation. Upon arrival, she was given a sonogram and then given a manual look and feel. at this point, the dr determined that she was dialated approximately 2 cm with a bulging placenta. I was immediately called and when I arrived the doctor told me that He didn’t think that He would be able to save the babies. He advised that she would be hospitalized and and probable deliver the twins. She was also told that she had an infection and that she needed to receive high dose antibiotics.

When my daughter went to her room, she saw one dr who busted into the room as my family prayed around the bedside and proceeded to tell us that the babies would not survive and that because they are not 6 months they are not considered viable so they would not call labor and delivery but give them to her when she passed them for her to hold if she liked. She said that they would look like a blob on the sheet or maybe when she used the bathroom. The entire occurrence was bazaar. How could someone like that be in the business of delivering babies. In spite of all of what we were told, we as a family rallying around our daughter and the father were hopeful, ready to believe the report of the Lord, the one in business to do miracles. For an entire week, each doctor who entered the room, not one repeat all proceeded to ask the same question – Has your water broke yet.

Finally, after six days – the morning of the seventh, a new doctor from the practice advised that there was no infection and that they would just allow my daughter to progress naturally. Two hours passed and the approach changed and the emphasis was to now see if she was a candidate for a cerclage. We as a family were content with having her progress naturally. Although her membrane had a bulge at the cervix, there had been no progression of that for an entire week, no other symptoms, she was on complete bedrest and prepared to ride it out that way until the end if possible.

By 11:00 a.m. that same morning, the new doctor was back in my daughter’s room attempting to visually inspect her vaginal area to determine if she was a candidate for a cerclage. She used the speculum and a flashlight, made mention that the flashlight was dull after cranking the speculum once, she then cranked it once more because she could not see the cervix (the same cervix that couldn’t be seen on the first day on admittance) and “pop” she broke the water. There in complete devastation stood my son-in-law, the nurse, the doctor and my daughter laying in tears at the sound of what it seemed they were anticipating all along. My daughter’s progress defied their odds. She was doing fine until, this doctor hastily charged into a situation that she didn’t have the benefit of knowing as well as she should have. Now, they are justifying what was done by telling us that my daughter will pass the one child and that the other twin higher up may be able to be saved. They are now expecting that she will go in to labor – nothing yet but this time, I have been very clear that my daughter be left alone.

From everything I have read, It sounds like we still have a chance of twins despite the grim predictions, errors, etc… My daughter is 21 and I am her advocate mom. Is there anything that anyone can tell me that may be helpful as to what I can expect or ask. We have never been in this situation and feel a little bit vulnerable. We are most interested in directing our efforts and energy at doing all that we can do have the twins. Both heart beats as of this evening were between 127-140.

Update Nov 2nd, 6:07am:

My daughter just received a visit from the managing partner and now He is saying that He doesn’t even think Baby B will make it because since Baby A’s placenta is broken the both of the babies are subject to infection and will probably pass. He also advised her that she is fully dialated without even looking at her cervix. It seems like the communication between these drs are poor. My daughter was not fully dialated yesterday, she was just bulging as this was the status when she was originally admitted. Nothing has changed except that the infection they said she had went away and the other dr caused her water to break. She kept working in the area until it finally broke as if this is what she was trying to have happen. It was the most bazaar thing. Then she profusely apologized and said that she could tie off the umbilical cord to save Baby B and they would wait and see about what Baby A does on his own. My daughter has shown no signs of distress, labor, etc since.

The very next morning the other doctor comes in and says this. In the mean time, I received a letter from my insurance company saying that the insurance was approved but it specifically was for one date only. This was the date of admission. I must call them today because this could be what is driving it. Thank you for your feedback. I am going to try to get another doctor. My daughter is in complete emotional turmoil, has a migraine. She is so very heartbroken as we all are.

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

Comments

  1. You’re in a rough situation, that’s for sure. Hang in there!

    I read an investigative report not too long ago that revealed that many doctors do not read the medical chart notes of their patients before taking action. This, of course, causes a lot of undue stress, mistakes, and trauma.

    Something that you can probably do is request to be seen by one doctor only (maybe two) so that they can become more familiar with your daughter’s situation, and not be switching out all the time.

    What I don’t understand is why doctors have become so impersonal these days. Sure, they have a lot of patients to attend to, but what happened to human decency and connection? It’s not always best to just say it as it is. Patients are in traumatic situations and need humanized connection–something that many doctors have forgotten how to do.

    I’m wishing you the best. I sincerely hope that things turn out well for your daughter, her babies, and for you.

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      Thanks, you are so kind. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. We need all the encouragement we can get.

  2. My water broke at 17 weeks and I remained pregnant on bedrest until 28 weeks 6 days!! You need to keep hope alive and stay strong…miracles do happen! And don’t let the doctors do any more cervical checks!!! We have a healthy 21 month old and we beat the odds! Feel free to email me at laurenhollander@hotmail.com

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      The gestational ages are the same. Your story is very encouraging. Thank you and we will write you.

  3. I dont know where to start,but I am truely sorry for all you,your daughter ,family and twins are going thru.Is your daughter in the hospital still? Her migrane sounds like it could be related to pre-clampsia.It is bery important they check her for this and start her on Mag. via IV.Also,they can do steroid injections to help the babaies lungs have a better chance of developing.If she can do progesterone injections at this point -DO IT. I say all this b/c I have been there not once,but twice.I went into severe e-clampsia at 24 wks gestation-I had a horrible migrane and gained 20lbs overnight in swelling and fliuds b/c my kidneys went into failure.They did all the things I mentioned above (minus the progesterone) My son was born at 1lb 10oz and survived 4months in the NICU and was the greatest miracle who blessed me in his short life.The 2nd time around I was monitored closer and started on the progesterone as I started having the same symptoms again at 24wks.I know thoes injections got my to 34 wk w/my 2nd son,Braeton.I will keep your family in my prayers!! Please advocate for your daughter and thoes sweet babies-even if it means going to another hosp.Thoes Dr.s seem very detached and cold.

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      Thanks for the encouragement to advocate for her. They are quick to find a reason why they won’t discuss things and on occasion have tried to cut me out. Fortunately, my daughter has given written permission that I be included.

  4. sara farrell says:

    hi ya ive just read what you are all going through at the moment and i really feel for your daughter i was in a simular position but i was 22 weeks pregnant when my waters broke at home i also got told my baby wouldnt be viable if i was to have him but i managed to stay pregnant until i was 29+6days with complete bed rest no walking or hot baths because that can start you contracting i had scans every week swabs and blood tests to make sure i didnt get any infections when they told me my baby wouldnt be viable i was devostated i thought that was it i was going to have my baby and lose my babie awful feeling but friends and family around me helped me to feel more positive i know your daughter is alot earlier in pregnancy but hopefully with alot of rest she will be able to hang on in there hope this helps you x

  5. You need to request another group of doctors!!!! Immediately!! Where do you live? Ask if they can get you a perinatologist. These doctors specialize in high risk pregnancy. Please email me at kmaratto@aol.com. I will help in any way I can! I am sure it’s weird to hear this from a stranger but I have been there and I know what it’s like.
    Kim

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      Oddly enough Kim, the Perinatologist was the one that probably neglected reading the chart and maybe relied on a conversation and rushed to use that speculum, breaking the placenta. Isn’t that just ridiculous? In my response below, I am going to address the doctor issue. Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it.

  6. My water broke with my twins at 20w5d. I was on strict hospital bedrest until I delivered at 24w2d. My son passed away but my daughter (baby B) survived. It was my son passing that I had to deliever baby B. I had an infection & NOTHING was to be placed inside of me! My Dr checked me when I got there and twice in 3 weeks just for a swab to check for infections. Seek out a perinatologist immediately! And dont let Doctors talk you into aborting. They tried to talk me into it and I have one miracle out of the situation! I’ve heard of womans water breaking as early as 13 weeks and they deliver! In Wisconsin 24 is our viable week they will try to save the baby. Not sure what yours is. Fight for those babies! It is a TOUGH situation but miracles do happen!! I have one sitting right next to me!!

    Amber Peterson
    a_jpeterson@yahoo.com

    Mom to Brielle born 24w2d June 1, 2010 &
    Ayden born to the angels June 1, 2010

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      Yes Amber, it is 24 weeks here too. We are hopeful after reading all of these experiences. Thanks so much for sharing.

  7. OMG! I would sue that dr, she should be liable, I am so sorry for having to go through this. My daughter was born at 35 weeks, so farther along than your daughter, while she was n the NICU, just took it one day at a time, will b in prayer for your family

  8. My daughter was having a healthy pregnancy, then got preclamcia out of nowhere and had to be lifeflighted. Had the baby at 27 weeks. My granddaughter was born at 1.15. I am here.Baby was in the NICU for 3 months.. She came home, she is almost 5 months and over 8 pounds. All tests have come out clear. I am here to listen..

  9. Holy crap. She needs to try to be transferred to a different hospital immediately. These doctors are complete idiots!! I am sorry to say that and I don’t want to scare her worse, but I would be trying to find a way to be transferred to a different hospital via ambulance.

  10. Lisa Mundy says:

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I have been there myself and remember all too well the fear and anxiety your daughter is feeling. My water broke at 18w3day around my Baby A. I was told the chances my babies would survive was 0%. I was also told to terminate but chose not to and was on strict hospital bedrest for 12 weeks. My girls were born 10 weeks early and spent 3 long months in the NICU. They are healthy, happy 7 mo. olds now and we thank God everyday we trusted our instints and did not listen to the doctors’ advice. During my hospital stay, I received many different medical opinions and the doctors did little but spread doom and gloom everyday. Please know there is hope! I had a priest come visit me everyday and he told me something that stuck with me my enitre stay — With God, anything is possible. Through my darkest moments, I knew God was watching over me and my girls. I will keep your family in my prayers. If you or your daughter would like to talk, please feel free to email me at lisaimpson@yahoo.com.
    Good luck to you all!

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      I will definitely encourage my daughter to request the spiritual counseling available there. Thanks for reminding me of that resource right there in the hospital. I remember the little lady that came on the first day to pray with my daughter and she was a ray of sunshine and hope.

  11. Kristin Kyung says:

    I am so sorry that you all are going through this right now. It just breaks my heart to hear this news. I have a similar situation in that my water started leaking around 18-22 weeks. At our 22 week appointment, I had no amniotic fluid at all. I too was pregnant with twins, but twin B passed early on in the preganancy, which caused me to get an infection in the uterus and placenta. I ended up having my son at 23 weeks. He weighed a mere 14 oz. and was 10 1/2 inches long. He truly is a miracle baby and the dr.’s where my son was born did everything to keep him alive. He is now 13 months old and weighs 16 lbs 6.5 oz.! The dr.’s and perinatiologist were amazing. I would definitely ask for a preinatologist and a neonatologist (new one) to come in to the picture. I would not hesitate to tell them you want everything to be done to save the babies, even if it means moving to a new hospital. I am not sure where you are at, but I would start there and have new dr.
    s come into the picture. I would contact your daughter’s insurance company and let them know what has happened as well. Give them the full story and make the dr. that broke her water write up a letter stating what happened. Then submit that to insurance as well. Keep records of everything that has happened,. The best piece of advice is to Believe in Miracles! Be strong and do not let go of hope, no matter what these dr.’s are telling you. My son is here today and he is living proof that babies do survive very early on and at very low birth weights. My thoughts and prayers are with your daughter and your entire family, but most of all with those two precious little babies. Keep fighting little ones!

  12. MOM OF A 25 WEEK MIRACLE says:

    Hi. First and foremost I am very sorry about your situation. I just gave birth to a 25 weeker on August 25th. He is still in the hospital but doing good.
    I had the same situations. I went into the hospital at 22 weeks. I was 4cm with buldging bag. I stayed on bedrest for 3 weeks until my water broke at 25.
    I met a few parents in the nicu whose water broke and stayed pregnant for days and weeks, after being put on antibiotics. Just wait it out. Sometimes god works in the most mysterious ways. There is still a chance.
    PS. MOM OF A 25 WEEK MIRACLE

  13. Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

    Every single one of you, from the bottom of our hearts, I thank you for sharing such stories that inspire hope for my daughter, the father and my family. A few answers to questions are: my daughter is currently 17 weeks and 2 days. Tonight the babies heart rates were 160 and 156. They have shifted positions and are now sitting a little lower. We suspect it is because of less fluid. It was the Perinatologist that broke the sac after attempting to view the cervix. There are two practices, an ObGYN and Pernatology. Each practice has at least four doctors. You all gave us very good advice that I will immediately act on. We have requested one doctor, a max of two. I did research to find a new doctor and even change hospitals but I have been told and determined that doctor’s don’t want to get in the middle of situations like this. I spent my whole day today attempting to change things but was unsuccessful. Ultimately, we decided that we would make a greater demand on those specialists that are getting paid the big bucks to do what they do. We live in the DC Metro area and the hospital is a reputable one. The practice is a large one and I found my leads ending up back in the hands of the same Neonatologist. I did call the insurance and they advised that I speak with the director of Nursing and request that they also advocate for my daughter. I did do that and it seems that she has been sensitive to the situation and will be present each time the doctor makes their rounds as well as be attentive to the care of my daughter. We talked for 45 minutes and I believe that she heard me. I got the attention of key people who have the power to change the course of my daughter’s stay and ultimate delivery of her sweet blessing x 2. Before the blunder occurred, I was the annoying mother that asked too many questions – unfortunately, now they hear me. They all have said that this is the worse thing that could have happen. I will mention the Eclampsia to make sure that she is treated for this if necessary but we believe that the migraine was due to the Trendelenberg position she has been in since being admitted. Her legs had been higher than her head for six days. I will definitely check her bp and inquire. My daughter is so appreciative of all that each of you have said and it has helped to fortify her position to fight for her babies and to ignore the grim predictions. I am hopeful that we will have a story to share that will encourage others as you have done for us. I will keep you updated as we now have a new family here at PreemieBabies 101. God bless you all and thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

  14. thornette, mother of Zoey says:

    My daughter told me that a doctor entered the room today to see if she went into labor. She advised that she had nothing to report since her water broke. The doctor told her that she should be passing the baby by Friday. She is stronger and has said that she is totally blocking the nay sayers out because she now knows what she has to do. The rates are 157 and 161. Thank God.

  15. My water was broken for a while before I delivered my 32 weeker. My prayers are with your family, your daughter and her twins. Fight for those babies and if you do not agree with those doctors, it is okay to question it. Babies are resilient.

    Lots of love your way

    Sarah

    • thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      Thanks so much Sarah, we will fight for them. I went to the hospital today and met with one of the Perinatologist, the director of nursing and the parents. At first, He was very guarded but by the time the converstion insued, He calmed down and admitted that doctors by law have to share the grim facts about the risks to cover themselves. I ask them that if they are logged as having seen my daughter once that they should not share the same grim info ever again. Everyday and even today He started in on her and I held my hand up and ordered him to stop! I said, you are doing it again. He caught himself and agreed that he would share the information with his colleagues. He also advised that if she wanted to go home and wait it out that she could until she is ready to deliver. He said that the antibiotics she is on is of no effect. Something is truly wrong with this process. On my way out, I stopped at the chaplain’s office and asked that they keep my daughter in prayer and perhaps stop by from time to time. At the end she asked if we could pray before we parted and readily I agreed. She asked me what I wanted her to pray for and I told her that God would allow my daughter despite the odds to deliver twins that survive and are healthy. She smiled and said – now lets pray for something a little more realistic. I said well, you know then you pray the way God leads you. Am I crazy? What is faith if it is not to hope for a miracle – something that is inexplainable. Sarah, I receive your love and compassion. Thank you –

  16. thornette, mother of Zoey says:

    Thanks again for your continued prayers and encouragement. I just received word from my daughter that Baby B is a boy, Baby A’s back was turned and so the sex could not be detected. The heart rates are excellent and Baby A’s membrane could not be seen and it appears that somehow Baby A is sharing a sac with Baby B. My daughter’s cervix has closed back up or appears normal according to the perinatologist. This news is overwhelming but at the same time what we prayed for that something other than what was appearing to happen could change. She will get her next sono at 20 weeks. We expect that the doctor will visit to give an interpretation of what was noted with this sono. The mood of the doctors are tremendously different and they all seem to be more supportive. I am so thankful. Prayer does change things.

  17. First and foremost pray to God He is the all knowing in this situation. My water broke at 23 wks 4 days and 1 very negative dr. told me that my son would not make it and if he did he would have all sorts of problems. I immediately began to cry until a very kind nurse told me that it is up to God and myself to determine if my son were to survive. She told me to pray and ask God for his strength. I was hospitalized for 3 wks and had to drink plenty of fluids to replenish my fluid levels. My son was born at 26 wks 5 days and wighed 2lbs 5oz and was 14in long which I was told was big for a child his age. Fastfroward 3 years my son is now a healthy 3 year old with no complications. So please continue to pray to God and ask Him to protect your daughter and her twins. As for the dr. who accidently broke the water prepare a law suit once your daughter and grandbabies are out of harms way.

    • Thornette, mother of Zoey says:

      Thanks Kim, I will relay this information back to my daughter. We have been praying and continue to look to God for all things. Stories like the one you just shared are extremely encouraging and absolutely knowing that with God, all things are possible makes al the difference. I am so happy for you and your baby and family, also thankful that you took the time to reach back and help us. My daughter advised me that the obgyn ordered a blood thinner for her so that she would not develop any blood clots while she is spending so much time on bedrest. Every little change is concerning to me because it all has very severe side affects and potential adverse reactions. I realize that I must be watchful and pray in order that my emotions don’t get the best of me. Thank you for your continued prayers.

  18. thornette, mother of Zoey says:

    As promised, I am following up to say that I had the privilege to meet my two beautiful grandsons. They were with us for five short hours. We are so heartbroken that this is the outcome of it all. I followed every piece of advice given from each reply. Without you all, It would have been made more difficult than it was. I am so thankful for this blog and will remember you always. God bless you all.

  19. Im so sorry for your loss!! I lost my son twin as well. But rest assured that you and your family did everything in your power to give those precious boys a fighting chance! Your daughter fought as hard as she could! God had other plans that Im still trying to put into perspective 7 months later for my son, Ayden. Your 2 angels are looking down on you now! I look in the sky every chance I can and there is always that one brighter star than the rest. And I always knows its Ayden watching over us! God Bless you and your family! ((hugs))

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