Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Separated from Spouse: Part 1

When your baby is sent to a NICU that is hours from where you live, chances are you and your spouse will be separated for some time.  As if dealing with having a preemie isn’t enough, you have to face much of it alone.  This, of course, only being the case if one of you does not work or can get an extended leave from work to be with your baby.

In my case, I moved out entirely and moved in with relatives who lived close to my baby’s hospital so I could be with her as much as possible.  My husband was in school and had a job, so he stayed home during the week and traveled the eight-hour round trip to be with me and the baby every weekend for three long months.  I spent all day, every day, in the NICU with my baby, and called my husband every day to report our baby’s progress and milestones.

Being apart was extremely difficult for me because it was our first baby and I didn’t know how to be a mother (much less a mother in the NICU), I was stressed and emotional, and my husband and I had never spent more than a few days apart before.  His presence had always given me comfort and strength.

Every weekend I broke down when he left for home; I was torn between my need for my husband and my baby’s need for me.  I spent my weeks living like a single person and becoming quite independent again.  I lived largely off of the charity of my family who provided me with food and a place to sleep.  Because I was pumping every three hours, my evenings were not open for much entertainment, either, and I didn’t get out much.

My husband lived like a bachelor and worked and studied his weeks away.  Because it was the middle of the winter his weekend road trips were often worsened by snow and bad roads.  Many times he had tests and projects that should have taken up his weekends, but he came to see us anyway.  It was a very difficult and lonely time for him at home.

>>> continue to Separated from Spouse: Part 2.

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

Speak Your Mind