Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Separated from Spouse: Part 2

When we finally brought our baby home from the hospital our family was reunited.  Our baby was entirely our responsibility and that was when we truly became parents.  At last we got to experience the sleepless nights, blowouts, spit up, cuddles, smiles, and drool that many parents take for granted.  It was wonderful.  What wasn’t so easy was learning to share the responsibilities of parenting and learning how to be a couple again.

Because I had spent all of my time learning to take care of our preemie, taking classes on preemies, and living a strictly scheduled life with her in the NICU, it was hard to relax and find our own pace at home.  I wanted to do everything the way the nurses had said to and had to learn to let my husband parent in his own style.  It even took awhile for me to dare leave my baby alone with my husband.  I was used to knowing her every move and every detail of her condition (she came home on oxygen and some medications), but now I had to trust my husband to take good care of her.  He did a great job, it was just unnerving letting go of the reins.

Last, but certainly not least, was learning to live as a couple again.  We had both gotten used to governing our own lives entirely.  We did what we wanted when we wanted and no one else was affected by the way we spent our time.  It was lonely freedom.  Moving back home was a bit like getting married all over again; learning to compromise, share decision making, and schedule our lives around each other.  We sometimes forgot that we couldn’t always make plans on a whim, but that we needed to consult with each other.  It was an interesting experience, but it was also a joyful one.  Eventually, our lives did get back to the way they had been before the baby, but life was even better because of the sweet addition to our family.

Return to Separated from Spouse: Part 1

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

Speak Your Mind