Hand to Hold's official blog
For the most part, I have been blessed with good health. The few times I contracted a cold or infection, I went to the doctor and got a prescription and a day later I would start feeling better. In my limited experience, doctors could fix things. And until my pregnancy complications, I believed they could [...]
When we talk about the NICU, we can’t share our story without sharing the story of a little boy named Ethan. Ethan was born a day after Kylie and was 11 weeks early, while Kylie was 10 weeks early. I am the type of person that when going through certain experiences, I like to find [...]
There is no celebrating of Caitlyn’s Birthday, it is too hard. Every April I fear as it approaches. The day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute memories flood my mind. There is not a day that passes that Caitlyn’s memories aren’t with me, but in April it is at a deeper level. I [...]
When Caitlyn passed away at twelve-days-old our world shattered. Lost, alone, angry, broken and a feeling of being hollow was all I felt. My husband and I were sharing the grieving so it was unbearable to share our sadness with each other, it was so raw and too deep. I did go to therapy, once. [...]
Holidays were a rather difficult time for our family the first year. The girls were born in May so they were apart for their first; father’s day, 4th of July, daddy’s birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, mommy’s birthday, Valentine’s day and St. Patrick’s day. When you look at these holidays a lot of them are tiny and we got to see them of course for all of them but for most of these, we had one child at home and one still fighting for her life in the hospital. [Read more]
I have to say the holidays come with somewhat of a sting. Even though we have a beautiful son, and a daughter on the way (due early February), the holidays have a way of sending nostalgia through your blood, reminding you of your first dream of a Christmas with your baby. Your first hopes. The [...]
In my state of irrational thinking, I knew it was my fault. There was no other logical explanation. I scolded myself for doing fertility treatments. I told myself I should have accepted that I wasn’t meant to have children. I was convinced this was punishment, through the suffering of my 25-weeker triplets, for my past wrongs. Guilt and self-deprecating thoughts weighed me down like a sodden blanket. And then, tragedy struck again when one of our daughters died suddenly at just 14 months. [Read more]
Matthew Chambers and his wife Victoria welcomed their son James into the world on March 19, 2010. The next few months were filled not only with multiple surgeries and medical interventions – but also with moments of unspeakable joy and intense love. Matthew talks about his son and how what they went through together has [...]
One of my greatest struggles as a mother who has lost a child is how to honor my daughter’s memory in a way that seems good enough The problem is, no matter what I do, no matter what I think of, it never seems grand enough or poignant enough to properly show the depth of [...]
Right after we buried her my worst fear – and I don’t say this lightly – was that she would be forgotten. And to some, she probably is. But over time, it became increasingly obvious that it didn’t matter who remembered her, what mattered is that she could live through us. And we could tell her story everyday – to anyone willing to listen. [Read more]
Hand to Hold is a nonprofit 501(c)3 parent support organization and information and resources provided here do not intend to take the place of the relationship between a patient and personal physician.