Hand to Hold's Official Blog: Written by Parents for Parents

Waiting to Conceive Again

My husband and I have decided that a number of conditions will have to be met in order for us to consider having another baby.

1st – We have to feel ready and willing to have another preemie (the risks are great enough that we have to be prepared for it) along with any extreme health issues that may accompany a tiny preemie.  Our 27-weeker did so well, but we know that that may not be the case with another preemie.

2nd – We have to be financially prepared to pay for a preemie baby.

3rd – We have to be ready and willing to face another 4-month long bedrest period.  The stress and emotional issues our family faced during my 4 months of strict bedrest with my last baby was very hard, and it’s questionable whether it’s worth it to put our family through that again.

4th – We have to have the finances to pay for a full-time nanny during my bedrest sentence.

5th – We must feel, undeniably, that there is another precious spirit waiting to join our family, and that this baby is to be our own creation.

Until these conditions are met, adoption is an option we are excited to look into.  Growing up I always wanted to have lots of kids; it’s amazing how many times life takes a turn you are not expecting and leads you down a road you never imagined for yourself.  It’s also amazing how satisfying and wonderful life can be despite its unpredictability.

Related Posts:  Getting Pregnant Again, Your Next Pregnancy, You’re Pregnant:  Read All About It!

Afton Mower About Afton Mower

After Mower (UT) lost her firstborn son at 21 weeks.  Her daughter was born a year and a half later at 27 weeks.  The NICU was overwhelming and isolating and it was through those two experiences she was led to found this social hub for parents to find the support they needed. Afton also gave birth to another daughter, born two days overdue after four months of strict bedrest. She believes it is a tender experience to hold a special baby in your arms when his spirit returns to his heavenly home, a miracle to watch tiny babies survive the risks of prematurity and a blessing to hold a healthy full-term baby after months of difficulty and sacrifices.

Comments

  1. Sweet heart, that is very selfless of you. My husband and I decided on the same thing. Life is so unpredictable. I know for me, that adoption would be the best thing for my family if we want another child.

  2. Our little guy was born on March 5, 2010, he was 2 months early. We are still in the NICU process.

    When I woke up VERY heavily bleeding in the middle of the night and rushed up to the hospital, I determined right then and there that no matter the outcome I would NOT be having any more children.

    But after a few days, and after seeing how our Cameron was doing so good and I was recovering well, we started slowly changing our minds.

    The risks are very high for me next time to have the same thing happen. And although knowing the risks this time will help us be more prepared, like you said, you still never know how it will end up.

    We have a lot of the same qualifications for next time. We will be waiting until Cameron is at least 3 before we even think about getting pregnant again (at that point our other two older boys will be in school). We will wait until our lifestyle is more stable and settled. We want to have plenty of money saved up to cover any expenses during this time. And of course… we’ll need to get that feeling that there is a baby in heaven waiting especially for our family.

    It’s certainly a crazy experience… it throws your emotions completely off having a baby surprise you and come early, and having life turned upside down by the chaos of it all. I absolutely want more children and I think when the circumstances are right we will try for another, and though I hadn’t considered it too much before reading this, I think adoption would definitely be an option for us at some point down the road as well.

  3. My son is 14 months and we are now trying for our second, but it also took us 2 years to concieve him!

  4. I will never try again. My pregnancy complications were so severe they were life threatening for both me and my daughter. My daughter needs me 100% always. Adoption may be in the future for us.

  5. wow…we may be pregnant again now. I’m so excited and scared at the same time. THank you for posting this. We will be seeing a specialist in high risk pregnancy’s this time!

  6. I delivered my first son four years ago at 25 weeks due to HELLP Syndrome. After much soul-searching, we accepted what we deemed an acceptable risk and decided to have our second son. I was under the close care of my perinatologist who prescribed preventative measures. However, I again developed HELLP Syndrome and delivered at 28 weeks. My … See Moreadvice to others contemplating a subsequent pregnancy is to do it only if you are willing to begin parenting in the NICU again and accept the risk that the NICU course may have a different outcome.

  7. Thanks Susan!! I was thinking of that. I too had HELLP syndrome and delivered my son at 29wks. My son is only 19 month, so I know we will wait for a few more years( also cause husband military and we might be moving). So we will see.

  8. I delivered my daughter at 26 weeks. I became a single monther when she was 5 days old. Going throw the 115 day in the NICU by myself was very hard but the out come was great I got to bring my healthy lil girl home. I dont think I would want another child I dont think I can go through the emotional stress of the NICU especially the 1 step forward… See More and the 3 back. What if I dont have another happy ending I would not be able to handle that. Plus I need to have a good man in my life to even consider another baby.

  9. My son was born at 28 weeks due to an abruption. Although there is a 10% higher chance of having another preemie, it is such a small increased likelihood that I MAY decide to try for another. However, I am also very positive about adoption (always felt a calling to adopt children) so I know that if I choose not to have a birth child, I will adopt. And maybe I will do both!

  10. We plan to try again in a couple of years (2 to 4). My 25 weeker is now 9 months old. He was born early due to an incomp cervix and my placenta was full of yeast. They are unsure how when neither of us had any infection. However, UNC said if I stayed under their care next time they thought they could prevent this from happening again.

    Joshua … See Moreis an IVF baby. We tried 5 years and then did the IVF and it took the first time with twins (however his twin stopped growing the first month). We still have 3 embryos frozen for a later time. If the IVF does not take next time we will lean towards adoption.

  11. Im so lucky! My 32 weeker will be 7 months next week, and we have not really had any apprehensions about another baby. I was preeclamtic, and the chances of that happening again are only 25%! I know that motherhood is the job for me, and Im trusting the Lord!!

  12. Not a chance!!!!!!! Luckily we had already agreed that we would only have 2 kids years ago so I don’t feel I have had to make a choice but there is no way I would be able to subject myself or my family to the NICU life again. My 24 weeker is nearly 6 months and not home yet. It’s pretty certain that I would have another micro as my cervix is shot.Thankfully my just turned 2 year old has come through this unscathed but to tr do it with two takes a stronger person than I am!!

  13. We have a former 25weeker who is now 31/2 and doing great yes he has some challenges but nothing we cant handle ahe was also born due to yeast infection on the placena. He was a clomid baby we have been trying for our second baby for about a yeay we are now looking into the IVF road. The doctors say as soon as i become pregnat I will go onto high … See Morerisk watch. When my son was born i swore i would not do this again but now i just feel like something is missing so one more try and see what happends.

  14. Camryn Elizabeth just came home after 16 days in the NICU. In a few years we will be ready again lol. Now that we know more about pre-e we will watch out more next time around!

  15. We put it into GODs hands about having another baby after a preemie. My first born Heidi cae at 29 weeks 2 lb 13 oz and fought so hard to be with us as long as she was we lost 17 days before her first B- DAY !!. four months after losing our precious baby girl we found out were at expecting I gave birth to a 33 weeker 4 lbs 9.5 oz and she doign remarkable and healtyh four month old . SHe olny spent 1 week in the hopstil after birth. We thank GOD everyday for both our miracles he sent us so far.

  16. my son was born at 34 weeks, he is our 5th, none of my others were early and they couldnt say why i went into labour early this time, my eldest is 14, then 11, 10 and 3 years old.. and now our little boy who is 5 weeks today =0) not sure what my chances are of having another preemie??… hopefully they are not too high as even the short stay of 9 days in the NICU was extremly stressful…..!

  17. We had a 32 week preemie who is doing wonderful. It took us one year and half to concieve so we got careless one time and now I am pregnant. I am sooo scared but I put my faith in God and pray that this little miricle will be okay.

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